The thicket is exactly right — and notice what the cutting back actually does. It doesn't just make the poem smaller; it lets light in, and the shape that was always in there starts to show. That's your "more shapely" — not something you added, but something you uncovered.
The lost couplet is the moment I'd trust most. If the poem still stands without it — still says what it was reaching to say — then the couplet was thicket, however fond you were of it. That's the whole test, really: lift the line out and see whether the poem holds its own weight. Sounds like yours did.
A great read. Love the idea of clearing - makes me think of poems as thickets to be cut back. Did some of that on one of my poems yesterday. Lost a couplet. Weeded out words from the rest. Replaced others. It's looking a lot more shapely now.
The thicket is exactly right — and notice what the cutting back actually does. It doesn't just make the poem smaller; it lets light in, and the shape that was always in there starts to show. That's your "more shapely" — not something you added, but something you uncovered.
The lost couplet is the moment I'd trust most. If the poem still stands without it — still says what it was reaching to say — then the couplet was thicket, however fond you were of it. That's the whole test, really: lift the line out and see whether the poem holds its own weight. Sounds like yours did.
Thank you for reading it so closely, Becky.
Thanks Ian. I agree, although it sometimes needs a deep breath!
A great read. Love the idea of clearing - makes me think of poems as thickets to be cut back. Did some of that on one of my poems yesterday. Lost a couplet. Weeded out words from the rest. Replaced others. It's looking a lot more shapely now.
An important insight — truth delivered with kindness. That’s how truth gets heard.